ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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