I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
