this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
