I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
dude. I can hear the air.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
