It's Friday. Sex?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
