I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
