That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
