So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
