Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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