Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
