Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
