At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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