We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
