You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
