Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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