OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
