Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think people are normalizing furries
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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