Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
