I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
