R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
