How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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