Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
