I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What a dumb baby whore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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