dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
