Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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