Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
