dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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