Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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