Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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