So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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