Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
