She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
