why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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