the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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