I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
