Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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