my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
