honey bunches of taint.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
