porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
