I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
