Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
