If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
