dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
