JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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