I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
