clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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