you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
