her vagine was all disorganized.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
