You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
