I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I puked a lego.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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