Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
