remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The beers last night were like the tears from god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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