I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
