I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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