i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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