it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
