We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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