I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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